The Meatless Monday posts I forgot to post!

So I missed two of them I think...??

Ok one day I made a mushroom pasta with sour cream and smoked paprika... hmmm....

As you can tell the boys loved it...!!!

The other meal I made was a spinach and mushroom lasagna... I don't have any pictures because my camera battery was dead. The recipe was from cooks illustrated. Someone bought me the magazine to read while I was in hospital and I thought to myself 'hmm I should try this for Meatless Monday'!

Eat, Pray, Love.

I was just reading through my blog and I can't believe I never wrote about this book! I felt certain I had, unless I am just missing it... I guess I should start using the labels may be easier to find things after a few hundred posts...

Julia Roberts was on Oprah today talking about the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love' in which she plays Elizabeth Gilbert. Read the book first! They say that they stay really true to the book and I hope they do because I LOVED this book. Although her journey is so personal I felt so connected and really understood the emotions Elizabeth Gilbert felt on her year long journey; and I think if you have had your heart broken, felt completely lost in the world, gone through a divorce or just have dreams that you would love to turn into reality then you'll feel connected to her too. Her message personal yet so universal. I laughed when I read this book and I also cried understanding her pain and wishing that I could hop on the next plane to start a journey of my own... (Definitely eating in Spain and learning Spanish would be my 'Eat'.)

When I read this book I felt like I wasn't alone in the personal journey I went through after my divorce. My husband walked out on me. It's something you never think will happen... when you get married you don't exactly plan the divorce. I never expected that my marriage would end. It was something that I struggled with. I felt lost, a failure, big failure.... I wasn't sure who I was, or if I ever knew who I was. I was ridiculously young and emotionally fragile when I got married not exactly the best foundation but I still said 'I do' to forever. So what next? How do you carry on and look ahead when you feel so hopeless?

As horrible as my marriage ending was I learnt so much from it. So much about relationships, people and most importantly myself. I think for the first time I started to discover who I am and have realized that I will keep learning that. I learnt for the first time to have faith not only in myself but to let myself believe in God. It taught me that I have to be able to set boundaries within my family, marriage, friendships; sometimes I have to lower the expectations I have of people around me.

I am excited to see this movie like I said I loved the book and I also am a huge Julia Roberts fan. Also I wanted to mention that Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book out - 'Committed'. I haven't read it yet and I went to buy it in Chapters the other day but as desperate as I am to read it I couldn't bring myself to spend the money on the hardcover.... I am cheap and will wait for them to get the paperback in.

Anyways something to think about.... What is your eat, love and pray??? (Something Oprah asked Julia) Here are mine below.

My Eat - Surf & Turf... this is why meatless mondays are so hard for me! I love a big juicy steak and I also love shrimp, lobster, crab... whatever you want to put on the side that you pulled from the ocean and is covered in garlic! Yummmy!

My Pray - ...... I need to get back to you on that one still trying to figure out what I got goin' on spiritually.... Let's just say it's still a learning experience for me.

My Love - Hand down my boys.... There is nothing that compares to the love you have for your children and they love they have for you. I can't even describe how I feel when I look in their eyes or when I see them sleeping so peacefully. They are my life, my family and they will always be a part of me. They are truly the loves of my life.

Wanna join my pity party?

So it's my turn to feel sorry for myself.... I just feel blah..... I don't know why I had a great morning with C and Audrey. We had another key lime pie get together! Yummy!

I had a rough week with feeling good and doing too much... twice. First time I thought I was going to pass out and the second time my tummy was left super swollen and super sore. I am still super sore. I was so frustrated as I feel good that is until you try and do something. So now I am more frustrated. That I can't do anything. And that I am as sore as I was the first week I came home and this is week 3. Damn.

My kids seem a little peaky. Caleb has been having ear infection issues and Mason woke up not feeling good either crying and being super sucky. Iron man the cartoon seems to have fixed that right now.

Sean is working ALL weekend so I am by myself with the kids. He just came back from spending the night in Espanola and spending time with friends and is talking about going again to Sudbury next weekend again... Nice for him huh?

And I am so upset that I was mean to be in Southern Ontario at a wedding today and because I am super sore and can't do anything I couldn't be there. Boo hoo to me.

So there you go... BLAH..... Blogging it out... I could go on but I won't.... Think I am going to have the last piece of key lime pie instead. Wondering what wine should I pair with that???

Meatless Monday - Veggie Burgers & Sweet Potato Fries

Ahhh Meatless Monday how I have missed you.... I have been out of the kitchen for 2 weeks but watch out I am back! LOL I found this recipe on the food network... I was a little stumped as to what to make this week (blame it on the foggy brain) but luckily I spent a lot of time watching the food network the last couple of weeks and remembered a 'Guy's Big Bite' show where he made veggie burgers.... Brilliant! It looked super easy good way to get started again!
I bought pre-cut sweet potatoes in a bag. A little lazy yes but they were calling my name. I thought if I just tossed them in oil and some seasoning salt and put them in the oven they would turn out like oven baked fries... or crispy roasted potatoes.. or like the sweet potato fries at the Anchor Inn.... Wrong. 1st disaster of the night.


Now as I am putting all the ingredients together I am reminded of the 'falafel disaster' where everything just disintergrated in the pan as soon as it touched the hot oil. Veggies, beans, chickpeas, oats.... I am just dreading the 2nd disaster of the night... I am also thinking to myself maybe I shouldn't be worried about a project like Julia Child's 'Mastering the Art of French Cooking' when I can't master Meatless Mondays!


My hubby is doing the Atkins Diet which I just don't get... I guess it works for some people but all the meat you can eat just doesn't seem healthy, although granted a 'manly way' to diet. I guess I can't knock it my everything in moderation diet doesn't seem to work.. not counting the half a tub of mint choc chip ice cream with chocolate shell and skor bits I had for lunch. Needless to say he won't be joining us on Mondays for supper until his dieting days are done.


But...... they turned out ok! I probably could have browned them a little more so they were a little bit more golden brown but they stayed together! Don't they look better and healthier than the ones above??? And they tasted pretty damn good too!!! oh and btw I opted for regular oven baked fries to have with it instead!

My Meatless Monday Veggie Burgers! Yummy!!!

Julie & Julia....

So I just finished 'Julie and Julia'. It took me two days to read it. I love it when I get into reading mode, (I go through phases of reading nothing to reading so hard that I have a migraine) there is nothing like the peacefulness of losing yourself in a book and ignoring everything else around you! I really loved this book, I think as a soon to be 30 year old woman dealing with my own frustrations in life I really related to the struggles and frustrations (although completely different) that Julie Powell endured through her year of cooking! I love that she found herself through this project. I think that is something that everyone struggles with. As a friend pointed out to me at lunch the other day... How well do we know ourselves? Our boundaries? I am almost jealous that Julia Powell had this project to be able to discover so much about herself. Makes me think I need a project! Just when you think you know who you are.. maybe you don't. After all who stays the same? Don't we change and evolve as people constantly as we take all the shit and mind bending curve balls that life throws at us???

I admired her braveness making some of the recipes that she challenged, I don't think I could do aspics or offal. I don't think I could make anything from marrow or a foot (pig, cow whatever) never mind eat it. I have a Jamiacan cook book that my ex-mother in law bought me and I often think of challenging some of the recipes in it. After I read Julie & Julia I flicked through it contemplating cooking everything in it.. Apart from the technical glitch of living in the middle of nowhere and not having a grocery store that would come close to stocking the ingredients I needed there are some recipes that I just knew I couldn't do... 'Mannish Water'. Looks ok in the picture. Stock made from the head, legs, liver etc.. after you have slaughtered a goat for a 'feed' of curry goat. Can you imagine the reaction if I went to Burt Farms (only place I could think of where else would you go on the Island??) and asked for "4lbs of Goat's head, tripe and feet cut into small pieces... please???" Think small town. I think they would pick up the phone and call my family and have me committed! (Not to mention if my husband knew what I was serving him up I think he would run a mile - he drew the line at my Jamaican recreation of Oxtail) Like I said... brave lady.

This book about a lady blogging about her life also made me think of my own blog... What use is it? I guess a look into someone's life can be a learning experience. When I think of the books I read alot of them about someone's life (Debbie Travis, Brooke Shields, 'Eat, Pray, Love', Julie & Julia and countless more that I can't think of right now) I learnt something.. how to deal with a situation, a realization about myself. A form of education. I try and use my blog to do good things... promote fund raising efforts that friends are doing, share my wonderful family and of course the great books I read and recipes I try and cook.... But is that enough? Do I need a project or is my day in day out life enough for this blog??

(On a side note I just realized the bacon I was cooking for my mother's day breakfast (yes, boo hoo to me) was burned and when I took it out of the oven I splashed hot oil all over my hand, which I am trying to balance frozen corn on while I type.... I may eat the burnt bacon anyways... just 'cause I love bacon...)

Read the book... it's great. See what it stirs up for you. I think a good book should stir something up. Make you question something.... or want to challenge an idea.... I am intrigued to see the movie... I always want to read the book before I see the movie as I want to know how it was originally written.. sometimes the movie doesn't always do the book justice. I am also going to hunt down her new book 'Cleaving: A Story of Marriage, Meat and Obsession'.

Now off to rescue some more bacon..

Time to post some family videos... Mason Quading.

I have a few videos to post that I keep meaning to put up... This one is Mason driving the quad... when I watch this it just makes me laugh so much. Sean's face is funny but Mason has NO fear! This little 2 year old that is like a bull in a china shop... he just presses the throttle all the way down laughing his devilish laugh louder and louder as he gets faster and faster!!!

I'm a mess......

So by having the 'big H' as my fellow blogger Jo called it I was hoping to get rid of this.......

Instead I feel something like this......

Let me explain......

Imagine I am the cat, and imagine that the red ball of yarn that the cay is tangled up in is my emotions... That's it. I am a mess. Anything makes me cry, nothing makes me cry. I feel like I am having a panic attack all the time, I feel like I can't breathe and someone is sat on my chest, which of course makes me panic more because I can't breathe. Sometimes I am fine but sometimes I feel majorly claustrophobic. When I went to the doctors office to have my staples taken out the doctor assured me this was normal and it will calm down. But for the moment I feel like I am losing my mind.

Sean took me for a drive yesterday to get me out of the house and to Campbells to get ice cream. I felt a little better after (but a little sore from sitting in the bumpy car) so I am thinking maybe I just need to make more of an effort to get out of the house...

My friend Audrey is however coming to rescue me today and is taking me to the chocolate shop! It is open for the season people!! Time to indulge and I think it is just the medicine I need to calm my raging hormones!

You may have noticed my absence.....

I have an excuse a good one AND I have so much to blog about, things going on, missed Meatless Mondays, girls nights, chocolate nights, countless photos taken for 'the blog'... where do I start????

Last Monday I had surgery, pretty major surgery. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to blog about it but what the hell all my friends that read my blog know anyways... I had a hysterectomy. During another minor procedure they noticed a pre-cancerous mass on my uterus so with that and a multitude of other problems the end result lead to this! Now I wasn't upset that I wouldn't be able to have kids at all, I know I am done in that area so not upset about that. The hardest part for me?

1.) Panic attacks pre surgery - yes the stress of thinking what if I don't wake up? Or any of the things that happen on Greys, ER, Private Practice that are high drama and lead to death happen to me?? (note to self - less TV in the medical drama department). The last minor procedure I had a endured a major panic attack falling asleep and then waking up... That feeling of not thinking you can breath, of not being able to control yourself... Horrible!

2.) Recovery - 8 weeks of work.... I am going to loose my mind. Not to mention 8 weeks off without being able to clean my house?? (happens when I am bored, anxious, stressed, angry, having a fight with the hubby) I would clean my house everyday if I could but for 8 weeks I have to sit with the mess compiling around me while my hubby (bless his heart) tries to get a grip of going to work PLUS all the things I usually do... cook, clean (?), take care of kids, dogs etc. etc. etc. I was told that I had to let go of the reins of control and let him do it... as I wouldn't be ale to and am not allowed to..... Then there is the being in pain, not knowing what to expect as I have never had any surgery before....

Notice the theme? The CONTROL theme?? I am OCD, anal retentive, a control freak, always in charge... motto's in life?? no one does it as well as I can do it, might as well do it myself if I want it done properly, I don't need help I can do everything myself... Do you see where I am coming from? It makes me have a panic attack just thinking of it. And it's not that the kids wouldn't be well taken care of with their father it's just that... HE WON'T DO IT MY WAY! Yes people, he has his own way of doing things (imagine.. who knew??), his own ideas for what is good to make for supper, and how he should clean the house (or not), of how often the kids take a tub and they need to change their clothes!

3.) The scary 'C' word. I mean cancer....

The actual surgery was not too bad. I did have a minor panic attack going to sleep but they had the good sense to sedate me an hour or two before heading to the OR. I was wheeled into the OR, spoke to the doctor, confirmed with the anesthetist again that there was no way in hell he was sticking a needle in my spine (yes the morphine drip would be fine thank you) and asleep I go... I have no recollection of anything until Tuesday morning! I had apparently spoken to people on the phone that night... I vaguely remember hubby leaving to get a hotel room but nothing else... Scary. Scary because who knows what I told people!! LOL

Tuesday a whole different ball game. You have to get up and walk like 6 times... (thank god for the morphine drip). But I was home by Thursday somewhat upright, walking - minus my morphine but feeling pretty good considering everything that had just happened the 3 days prior. And definitely ready to be home! That was the longest time I have ever been away from the kids so it was tough. Of course the first day back Mason hops into bed with me and jumps on my stomach (ouch)!!!

I am truly blessed though. I have amazing friends and an amazing husband! Sean was so good in the hospital. He was initially going to leave Tuesday morning, poor guy has work piling up, guys working for him and I was fine with that. I think I said something along the lines of "I don't need you sat next to me staring at me in a hospital bed for 4 days"... Tuesday morning rolled around and without saying "I NEED YOU"... he knew! He got me out of bed, brought me a daily Starbucks, fluffed my pillows, kept my spirits up... Wednesday morning in the midst of my first post surgery emotional breakdown he helped me get up and shower and get my own clothes on and again made me feel much better just being there.

My friend (& godmother to Caleb) Yahaira flew in from Calgary to help take care of the kids while we were gone. Think of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. She did an amazing job packing lunches, getting Caleb on the bus, taking care of two kids full time - she was exhausted by Thursday. But I wasn't stressed the whole time I was in Sudbury... I knew she would be fine. We have an amazing small group of friends that are like family to us that rally together and help out in times of need. I will say it again that I am blessed and so lucky to have the support from all of you. Thank you.

So yeah back to the control issue.... There are piles of dishes in my sink, laundry that needs to be done and floors that need to be cleaned. I haven't touched them. (aren't you proud of me?) Partly because I can't.... I am still SO SORE... and keep forgetting to breathe so get light headed easily. And also because if I do touch them hubby gets pissed off beyond belief at me. (so cute) He has been getting the kids up and dressed and out of the door (so hard for me to lay in bed and not yell instructions downstairs as so how to pack Caleb's lunch, or what to make for breakfast, or let him know the time because the bus is coming soon....) Insert sigh.... maybe this will be good for me in more than one way.....